CHAPTER TWO-CONFESSIONS

Chess found Julia where she hid in the corn stalks. She sat on the ground in the summer heat and humidity and with her journal. She'd spent a couple months watching corn grow and thinking of what Jesslyn had said the last time she saw her by the fire. She had multiple pages with multiple ideas and plans on the great escape from zombie to reality. She wanted to bridge the gap, cross over from one to another. She spent time wracking her brain quietly. She was the planner, the leader, the problem solver. Chess had separated from the boys as they did perimeter checks and followed the row to where she sat in the dirt. He felt sad for her, trying to think of a way to go back and reverse this. She wanted to go back and right the wrong.

Chess closed her book and laid her back in the soft earth. He didn't ask, he didn't care, he just did and her shorts pulled off. He held up the condom. Julia shook her head and he pushed inside her. Two more days they'd have to start with the condoms. She had her body clocked and swore she could zero in on when the egg was actually dropping. She really had no clue, but she followed the instructions on the paperwork that Tavin brought.

Chess was a horny boy. It seemed the hotter it got outside, the more he couldn't keep his hands off her. In all truth, he never knew when she'd be removed from him again. Julia's carbon copy was not Julia, no matter how much she acted like her. He knew his wife and when Julia went home again he'd be left with a shell of her. Chess felt confident she'd go home again. She'd heal and she'd survive the infection again and she'd have to go home. She'd return to Dylan and her wheelchair and her happiness would be in another person's hands. He hated that idea. Thus, the endless thoughts on how to fix all this. Go back in time to when it all happened. How far back and how deep she'd need to go was still a mystery. For all the extra work she was doing, she never turned him away. She never put it before her husband's needs. She could return to Chess in her dreams, she thought she'd never be able to feel him again, enjoy the love he gave her. She'd have to go back to loving with her heart and her head.

It was hot. They were sweaty and they smelled like it. But sex was sex no matter how offensive either of them smelled. Chess lay between her legs, pushing into her. Her hand assisted in pleasure as he started to hurt her. Between the pleasure and the pain, she came and he followed suit.

"I love you, Julia." He said, pulling his shorts back up. He tossed her hers and kissed her forehead. "Later babe."

"Later." She called, pulling her shorts back over her legs. When she went to lift up she couldn't. She tried again. Stuck. God dammit, she thought. She started yelling his name, she sat there and screamed for him till he returned only running this time.

"Chess," She said, scared. "Help me. I can't-"

"No." He said, kneeling in front of her. "No."

"Lift me a little." She asked as he complied and pulled up her shorts.

"Julia, no. This means-"

"I know what this means." She said, feeling the air suck out of her chest. She grabbed his arm. "Hold me here. Don't let me go."

"Ok, ok." He said.

"My book. Hand me my book. Quickly." He handed her the book, she tucked it in her shirt. She took off her ring and she tucked it in between the pages of her book. "Listen to me. I want you to do something."

"What?"

"Tavin's phone. It's in the drawer. I want you to charge it and I want you to call my cell phone. I wanna see if it works."

"But, Julia."

"The journal. Read my journal. Ok? I'll bring you back to me." She said, embracing him.

"Ok. I want you to do something for me." He said hurriedly. 

"Ok, my Chess. What?"

"This pussy belongs to me. Act like it." 

Julia woke in the hospital bed. The tube was out of her throat this time around as they'd weaned her off the ventilator and she breathed on her own. She had the monitor attached to her, leads everywhere. A large IV was in the right arm and she'd been kept hydrated. She calmed herself down. Her hands were not restrained as she reached to her chest and she felt the book laying there. She sat herself up in bed and held the book, shaking it till the ring dropped onto the blanket. She looked at the clock, looked out the window. No more corn field. Just sunshine. "Thank God I'm home." She said, placing her ring back on her finger and then setting the book on her table. "My ring." She smiled, her tears dripping onto her hand. She laid back in bed and stared at the ring.

All she wanted was the boy who'd given it to her. Even though she was definitely hurting, she had work to do. She felt like shit too. She hadn't felt like this since she'd been infected. The aftermath of being infected left her weak and unsteady and exhausted the first time around. This felt no different.

She reached for her phone and dialed Sandy's house. It was the only phone number she knew. When Sandy answered, she was happy to hear Julia's voice. "I need to get in touch with Tavin, Sandy." She said after a lengthy conversation about the kids and family and missing Chess. "I don't have my phone."

"Your phone's here, sweetie." Sandy told her. Tavin had left it before he returned to Pittsburgh. "It's charging right now. I'll bring it to you on my way to spin. I was just about to leave."

"Thanks, Sandy. I would appreciate that. No rush."

Chess chased down Tom who had the phone charging. "I don't know what you plan on doing with it, Chess. The damn thing is useless to us."

"I know. I just need it." He said. "Pretty bad. Is it ready?"

Tom handed the phone over, leaving the charger plugged in. Tom had to tweak one of the other chargers because the cell he handed to him they didn't have a charger for it. "Have fun, kid." Tom said, handing him the cell.

"Thanks. Thanks." Chess said, opening the phone book and dialing Julia's number. "Please connect." Chess begged the universe as he walked through the house. It rang a few times. "Oh, shit, Oh shit." He yelled, waiting for her to pick up.

"Hello, Tavin?" She asked, hearing a familiar voice. This wasn't Julia.

"Mommy?" He asked. "Mom?"

"Ray, how are you-?"

"Not important, mom." Chess dismissed her question. "Where is Julia?"

Silence. He could hear her shuffling around. Her voice cracked when she spoke. "She's in the hospital. You know that. I'm taking her the phone now."

"I love you, mommy."

"I know. I love you too."

"I didn't say it a lot. I was a dick to you. Always causing trouble and doing what I wanted, but I'm ok. Don't worry about me. Don't blame Jay for this. You don't understand, just forgive him and move on."

Chess disconnected the call. The battery was nearly dead already. He returned it to Tom and told him to charge it again.

"What did you do to the battery?"

"Just do it, Tom. It's important. Thanks."

"You ok, kid?"

"No. I need Julia."

Sandy was emotional when she dropped the phone off to Julia. She didn't want to stay long, hated the sight and smell of a hospital since Chess laid in the bed down the hall brain dead on life support.

She felt nauseated.

"I got the strangest phone call from Tavin's cell phone." She confessed.

Julia started tearing up again. She'd missed the call. "But you talked to him?"

"Yes. I talked to him. He hung up on me."

"What did he say?"

"He said to forgive Jayson. Move on." She said shaking her head. "It had to be Ray. I don't know how, but it must have been Ray." Sandy said, crying softly. "Forgive Jayson. He took both my boys from me. I'm sorry, I know you loved him, but he took both my boys. How can I forgive him for killing my son?"

"I don't know, Sandy. I have. It comes with time."

"I don't understand this. Why?" Sandy looked at her. "Why? I am asking you. You were closest to him. You shared everything. Why did he do this?"

"I can't answer that, Sandy. Everyone has asked me that and I can't tell you why."

"You can't or you don't know? What are you hiding?"

"Sandy, I am not hiding anything. I don't know why he did it." Julia cried. "Sandy, if I knew I would have stopped him. I would have helped him. Warned them."

"I-I have to leave here." Sandy said, shaking. "I have to leave here."

She turned and walked away.

Julia laid in her bed on her side. She waited for the phone to ring. At least it had worked. Sandy had upset her and she was right. She could have prevented all this. Take it to its point of origin and stop it before it starts. That would mean leaving Caleb Downing do what he wanted with her. Maybe she was supposed to be raped and murdered by him? None of this would have happened if Jay hadn't cut Caleb's throat.

Julia had been disconnected from the monitors, the IV's, the catheter she'd asked to leave in. She felt weak and didn't want to deal with urine. She didn't want to deal with anything. Word had gotten round that she was awake, had rallied from her still unidentifiable infection. The broad spectrum antibiotics and antivirals were working on her. In fact the only thing that was in her favor was having already been infected once and her immune system was intact. She had fought it off again. Whatever they were attempting was a waste of time, money and effort. Jesslyn had called but didn't stop by. She could sense the bitter in her voice, so she made up a reason to get off the phone. Dylan had dropped by and they ate Taco Bell and drank sodas. 

Julia had thoughts of the infection, believing she had brought it from the flipside to their time. Had she been patient zero? Was it hiding on a surface somewhere waiting? It was in the water or in the rain and it was multiplying on a surface of something dead. It was coming and living through it legless was not Julia's best shot at long term survival. For the first time in a very long time the infection scared her. The infection was lying dormant and would activate. It was inevitable.

When her dad showed up, they shared tacos with him. Dad started to bitch about Dylan and not because of Dylan himself, but that he'd existed and her father was not aware. When Dylan said good bye her father gave her the third degree.

"I do what I want, daddy. A wheel chair doesn't make a world of difference to me. If I choose to run a marathon, then I will do it. It's the way I am."

"The way you are gets you in trouble."

"You're irrational."

"It got you involved with Downing. It got you involved with Jayson. It nearly got you killed. You never did let anyone parent you. Think you know everything." Cal told her.

"Caleb Downing was a stalker, dad. What did I do to attract that man other than stand in a rest stop? Jayson took care of Caleb Downing. He did what no one else could. Not the cops, not you. Jayson cut that man's throat. For me. He protected me."

"He protected you from one killer only to kill you himself."

"That's where it started, dad. That bedroom on Green Street."

"You knew he killed Caleb didn't you?"

"What did the letter say?"

"You knew he was there the whole time. You knew he killed him and burned the house down?"

"What did the letters say?"

"You're sticking to the letters, huh? He protected you from Caleb? Were you there when he killed him?"

"What did the letters say?"

"To hell with the letters. Did you kill Caleb Downing?"

"No." Julia answered.

"Where are the books then? Cause the letters said you have them. I want the truth Julia."

"Daddy, what will you do with the truth? Will you protect me like Jayson did? Cause what Jay did saved my life and caused all of this. That's where it all stemmed from."

Tavin chose to walk in at that time. He gave her a kiss hello and said hello to Cal. "Tavin, I am going to tell him the truth. It's time to tell the truth."

"Um, the truth about-"

"Caleb Downing." Julia answered. "Can you close the door?"

"He knows the truth?" Cal asked, glaring at Tavin.

"I do." Tavin answered, taking a seat across from Cal.

"Did you two know he was going to take the gun to school-"

"No." They both answered simultaneously.

"The night of Caleb Downing's death I was outside making snow angels in the yard. I was drinking. He took me from there."

"He took you?"

"Do you want the truth or not?" Julia whined.

"Ok, go ahead."

"Jay, Chess and Hayley went to buy weed off this guy. They heard me scream and they turned around. I fought him, but he had me like I couldn't get away, covering my mouth with his hand, but I bit his hand hard enough to draw blood. I screamed again and they heard me. By the time they'd come back, he had already taken me to the house. He had his whole set up in that house on the 2nd floor the whole time and no one ever knew it. He watched me from there. He took pictures of me from there. He looked in my window that you nailed shut. He had pictures of me being, um, physical with Jayson. I was a chapter in the book." Julia said, going back in her mind. She tried to decide how graphic to get. "In his room he had hit me. He held the gun on me. I was pretty much defenseless once he strapped me to the bed. He shredded my clothes, cutting them off me with this knife. He did things to me." Julia said.

"He raped you?" Cal asked, angry.

Julia nodded in response to that question and continued to explain the details of that night. "But I got my hands free and gauged his eyes with my thumbs. I wasn't gonna just lay there and be some victim. I let my feet free and was on my way out when they came in."

"Who?"

"Jay and Chess and Hayley. They found me. Instead of leaving, him and Jay got into a fight and Jay pulled out the knife and he cut his throat. Blood sprayed everywhere. All over me and them. Like we stood there looking at Jayson covered in blood with a dead body at his feet. "

"Jayson killed Caleb."

"Yes. He did. I guess that's where time kind of stopped, slowed down. I was kinda crazy at that point and I took the fuel for the kerosene stove and doused the place. We took the gun, the knife, his books, his black box and his whiskey. I lit it up. And we ran home. Covered in blood and naked and having just killed a guy and set a house on fire."

"His black box. Where's the box? There was no mention of any box in the letters."

"The box is home on my dresser. At the house. Cops never cared about any box cause they didn't know about any box." She answered. "So we cleaned up and we watched the house burn down while we drank his whiskey."

"The four of you."

"Yes, the four of us. I did have the books. I studied them, all the names of the victims and all the details and looked at all the pictures. That's the truth."

"Why did they tell you about it?" Cal asked Tavin.

"Julia did. I got rid of the truck Caleb stole to get there. If the truck was gone, then there would be no indication Caleb had ever been there and they would never have known it was him. I tied up the loose end."

"That's where all of this started. We were never right after it happened. Jay rook the murder especially hard, we all did."

"You all killed him and burned down the house to cover it up?"

"Yes,"

"Where did he get the knife?"

"The cabin. It was in the sleeping bag. We slept outside at the cabin and he kept it with us just in case. When I rolled up the sleeping bag, it got rolled up with it. Jay told us that the gun and the knife were in the bottom of Shade's Lake. He had kept them the whole time. He was suicidal and initially was going to kill himself till we got back together and then I had the miscarriage and we had worked things out. "

"You knew he was suicidal." Cal asked baffled. "And you said nothing."

"We couldn't really say why he was so off and suicidal. It all would have come out." Julia said. "He never said how he was going to kill himself and he never identified when he did it that he was thinking about it either. Until I got the text messages. I knew he was coming after me. He told me he was coming for me."

"And she went home and waited for him." Tavin said.

"Why didn't you call the police?"

"They were already called. The school thing had gone down. I listened to him as he killed them. I heard the gun shots. I went home and I waited to die."

"You let him-"

"I let him. I tried talking to him and explaining. He blamed me for everything. I blamed myself for everything. If he hadn't done that for me. The guilt I had. I brought it all down on him. The fear and the whole thing is and was my fault. I thought he'd turn himself in, that the truth would come out and Jay would be his rational and responsible self. Instead this happened. I am responsible for all of it."

"The letters."

"Yes. The letters."

"You shredded the last letter. And it had to do with him didn't it?" Cal pointed at Tavin.

"Yes it did." Julia answered.

"What did it say?" Cal looked to Tavin. "What did it say?"

"I never read it. She never told me." Tavin answered.

"It was mean, brother stuff, and after the fight they had when they laid the grandmother to rest...it wasn't important to rehash the anger. Tavin helped us out. He got rid of evidence. The letter only focused on our...fling?" Julia said.

"Jesus Christ." Cal muttered. "Why didn't you just call the police after you killed him? Explain what he did to you? It would have been justifiable then."

"That's what I said." Tavin agreed.

"You could have called me. Come to me with this."

"Dad, It's over. I'm so done thinking and rationalizing. We took it too far and Jay's feelings...were justified. If I hadn't moved or fought him, he would have blown my head across the room just like his."

"Where are the books?"

"I won't say. They're gone is all."

"What do you think he'll do, Julia?" Tavin asked when Cal had left for work.

"If I was gonna bet on it, I'd go with protect his kid. She's been through enough."

Tavin kicked off his sneakers and propped his smelly feet on her bed. She opened up her cell phone and showed Tavin that he had called her. "You stole my cell phone." He observed.

"I did." Julia admitted. "And guess who called this phone this afternoon and had a conversation with his mother?"

"No fucking way." Tavin said. "Did you call him back?"

"No." She answered. "I can see him whenever I want. I just wanted to know if it would work."

"And Sandy thought he was Ray? From the asylum?"

"He's in treatment." Julia said, correcting him. "Sandy said he's schizophrenic. After Chess died, he kinda lost it. Started hearing voices. All paranoid." Julia informed him. "How's Kell?"

"Ok, I called her today."

"Please be careful, Tavin."

"It's what she wants. She got me wrapped around her finger."

"She did, once you opened up and let her in that head of yours. I told you, wifey material there."

"Thanks. Cause shit's going to get fucking complicated if I pop that cherry of hers here."

"I would advise against that. Tavin, think with your brain. Not your dick."

"I left Callie."

"No. You're moving too fast here, Romeo. You going for the virginity trifecta or something? Please let me think about this too. Please, I'll figure it all out."

"She wants to see me."

"You're really gonna risk it all? Do you know what you stand to lose?"

"I do."

"Have you explained that to her? She's being selfish. Hold off on her, please. I'll take you back. Have her there for now. It's the same thing." Julia asked of him. "You call her and tell her that it is the same thing."

"Julia, it's complicated."

"I know the meaning of a complicated relationship. Trust me." She held up her hand, showing him the ring. She picked up her notebook and tossed it to him. "Light reading. See if you can make some sense of what I wrote. We are the leaders there and we can be the leaders here. We can come up with a game plan. Let me know if you get something from it."

"Ok. How long did it take to write this?"

"Every day for months. I thought till my head ached from thinking. Every time I had a thought I wrote it down. I had so many different notebooks and journals and papers."

"What's the point to this book?"

"It'll generate a way to bring them back here somehow. Instead of us going there."

"And how do we explain them waking up from the dead?"

"I don't know yet," She groaned. "That's why I am asking for your help, Tavin. With all we are able to do, going one way. Why can't it work the opposite way around?"

"I'll read it. I'm staying at Sandy's which will give her a million reasons to pawn the kids off on me." He sighed. " I need a sitter."

"You do. You have a sitter." Julia said. "You have a 14 year old that wants to chill with you."

"Kelly." He smiled.

"Kelly." She smiled back. "Give the girl a job. It's a perfect cover. No more phone calls."

"I gave her a cell. We met for coffee in the square."

"You went on a date?"

"She wanted to. It was just coffee."

"Maybe she'll visit you in jail. It's just jail."

Tavin put his shoes back on and then tucked Julia's book in his backpack. He watched her as she lay on her side in bed, looking out the window. He thought about staying, but reconsidered. She'd survived and she'd be ok. The Julia that he got to know on the farm was one strong person. She could survive anything. Bringing back the others, Tavin knew was impossible. She was set on fixing it, righting the wrong. He knew they couldn't bring back the dead. She was in denial. He kissed her forehead, told her he loved her. When he got to the door of the room, he turned and said to her back, "This adult had sex with you, the minor, not too long ago. Just sayin'."

"I'm not jealous." She called after him.

"You're jealous." He called back.

Julia had just arrived on the other side of sleep. She concentrated in that realm as hard as she could. In the darkness, under the thickness of fear, Julia dared to go to the place she had the most uncertainty and the most fear. She went alone and called him there. She lay on the floor in the blankets. She awoke with a start. Jayson lay asleep beside her. She woke him as well.

"Hi." She whispered.

Jay jumped a little, shocked at their surroundings. The anxiety of the house on Green Street hit them both heavily. Of all the places and all the experiences, she brought them to the most frightening place of all. It's beginning. Of all places, none of the original group wanted to be there. It was a time with doubt and uncertainty where no one was in charge. The infection was in its infancy and those that survived it faced everything horrible about nature. The second floor master bedroom, the hard floor boards, the sound of the moaning outside and their confusion mixed with terror at what they faced.

"I don't want to be here, Julia."

"Neither do I."

Their disorganization, the unknown at the time was just as frightening as the monsters outside. They had been clueless as to their patterns, their movements, their hunger. They had more questions than answers at that time and had never been so unsure and doubtful in their future and their abilities than then. That fear hung in the air around them. They thought they were seeking safety and wound up in a nest of death.

Julia enlisted Jayson to help her. He scooped her up and her carried her out of the room and downstairs. She was trembling despite knowing that they weren't coming in. She had no use of her legs. How could she run? How could she do anything if...they were so close. She felt so vulnerable.

"I looked to you in this house, Jayson. Remember?"

"I remember."

He carried her downstairs. Every creak and every movement they made they were still under the arrest of the outside world.

"Is this first night, Julia?"

"Maybe, or close enough to it." She answered. He stood in the living room, empty as of yet. Before the table. Before the plans and the survival instinct truly had kicked in. They were only trying to stay breathing there.

"What are we doing, babe?" He asked.

"Waiting. If I am too heavy, we need to find a place to sit me. The kitchen counter?"

Jayson carried her there and set her down. He held his arms around her waist and they held each other. "Waiting for what?"

"Your brother." She whispered. "Can you call him? Pull him here? I tried so hard."

"Why are we here? I don't like this place. I was never so scared in my life, Julia. I want to leave."

"We're strong. We survived all of this. Hold on, Jay. I want Tavin here. We need to wait."

He nodded, his head moving on her shoulder. He wouldn't lift his head and look around. "You took care of me here. This was right after I killed myself. The darkness and the fear. It's all here. Julia, I can't stay here."

"Don't leave go of me, baby. I will take care of you. It's what I am here for."

"I hear the shots here. I hear you crying and I threatened you. I called you names I didn't mean and I-"

"Tell me, babe. I can handle this."

His head on her shoulder, he cried onto her, he wouldn't lift his head. He talked so fast and his memories came flooding back on him.

"You need to face this."

"It's darkness, it's all darkness. I pulled the gun out and I shot her first. I put the gun in her face and Hayley just looked at me and I shot her. Chess didn't have a chance. He was next. It was quick from the first to the second and Andy, he knew what was coming. Where was Jess? I almost let him go, but I shot him too."

"Jay, stop, look at me. Look at me. Focus on me, babe. Please."

He looked at her, swiping her hair away from her face. He held her face in his hands. "It's ok. Jayson, I forgive you. We all have forgiven you."

"I haven't." Jayson admitted. "I remember it now. I remember the way your throat felt in my hand when I shoved you and when I threw you on the bed. I remember not caring if I hurt you."

"It's my fault, Jayson. Everything that happened."

"I hated you so much. I swore I never loved you. It felt good when I shot you. I felt better. But you got back up. I couldn't believe it. You got back up. You got back up."

"And then what?"

"I shot you again, when you ran away from me. The second time I didn't want you to leave me alone there. Everything that happened between us, you never ran from me. I had to keep you with me. You just laid there. You were dying. You were looking at me with this gun aimed at you. And you left me."

"Jay, I was alive."

"I didn't know that. I put the gun under my chin and I pulled the trigger. It didn't hurt. I felt nothing. And the next thing I knew we were running, moving. It was chaos."

"But I was with you. And you were with me and everyday after that you made it up to me, right?"

"I still hate this place."

"Do you feel any different? Anything?"

"I feel better, telling you, confessing that to you."

"It feels good to confess, babe." She said, wiping his tears with her hands. "I confessed too."

"What do you mean? To who?"

"My dad. I told him everything. The truth. I owned up to him. I take the blame, lifted some off you."

"I accept that I played as much a part of this as you did. And in the end I was willing to die with you. If that gun hadn't jammed, Jay. It would have been all over for me. We'd still be running together, babe."

"Yeah, we would." He nodded. "I'm so sorry, Julia. What was I thinking?"

"I thought you'd be able to tell me." Julia replied.

They heard the chain link rattling out back and footsteps in the back yard. Foot steps climbing the steps to the door. Jay left go of her and they stared at the door.

"Fuck. What's that?" Jay gasped. He picked her up to leave the kitchen when there was a quiet but urgent knocking.

"Let us in, let us in. Please, let us in." They heard Tavin say. They heard fear in his voice. Jay left them inside and shut the door behind them as quiet as possible. Tavin was out of breath and scared, covered in blood and ooze. He started stripping off clothes.

Kelly, Daniel and Frankie all stared at them, crying.

"They're here too soon." Julia said.

"Was I supposed to leave them there?" Tavin asked, pulling his jacket and shirt off. "It's cold in here. I need clothes."

Jay guided the kids upstairs and left Kelly with Julia. The boys went in with the kids and Jay found him some spare clothes that would fit him out of his bag.

They woke Chess when they were fumbling around in the room. "Holy shit. Are we on Green Street?"

"Go back to sleep, Chess. No one wants to be on Green Street."

"Is she here?"

"Yeah."

Chess got up and head downstairs to Julia. "Why would you bring us here?" He asked, holding onto Julia. 

"It was for Jayson. He remembered everything. Did you read the book?"

"I did, yeah. Do you think it'll work?"

"Gonna try. I haven't worked out the details yet. But I got Tavin this far back and he wasn't here on first night, who knows where I can take us?"

"Did he read the other book?"

"I gave it to him."

"You better hope nothing happens while you're here like this."

"No, you better. I'm a lot to carry around for such a skinny boy." Julia teased him.

"I'm getting a headache." Chess said, holding his head in his hands. "I feel weird."

"It's because it's first night. You were just shot in the head. You probably are in the hospital right now on life support. Same as me. I know it doesn't feel good."

"Fuck, it hurts, Julia."

"Stand tall and focus. Jay was like this too. He remembered everything. The darkness, this is his darkness. Feel your own darkness and it'll get lighter."

"He shot Hayley. I feel her on me. I got splashed. Her brain. I see her brain, Julia. Her head. I looked at him and he was...he shot me. It happened so fast. Like a split second. All I thought was Hayley. Probably cause she was dead there next to me."

"What do you remember next?"

"Jess's mom. We were on Jess's front porch. She was infected and banging her head on the door. We got in a fight over her house keys. Jay threw them or I did, I don't remember."

"Now, where's Andy? Go get him and bring him here."

Julia waited for Andy as Kelly crouched in the corner by the kitchen door crying. She thought about reassuring her, but she wasn't here for that. Julia hadn't had any contact with the real Andy in a long time. He'd gone untouched by all of the activity. Julia wanted to see if he would become aware without any prodding. Chess took some prodding and she swore it was because he didn't want to know. He was the kind of person that would just live to live anywhere, no explanation needed.

Tavin and Jay returned with Andy and Chess. Tavin complained how she could have helped out Kelly, but Kelly was a crier the days after they'd been rescued. Now Tavin was some knight in shining armor, doing everything twice. First the virginity and then the rescue.

She let Tavin take care of her. Julia took Andy's hands and held them in hers.

"Hi."

"Hi." He replied. He stood still, Julia felt his pulse and his fear, but he didn't show it.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm not infected." He replied. He looked around the kitchen. He looked from Chess back to Jay. "You all think I'm infected. I'm not."

"We know you're not. Close your eyes. What do you see?"

Andy played along. "My eyelids." He joked, then heard no one laughing. Jay placed his hand on Andy's shoulder. "I'm at school. I'm waiting with Chess."

"Why?"

"He sells me weed. I was looking at this guy. I heard a noise."

"Look away from the hottie and look to the noise, please."

"No." Andy replied.

"Yes." Jay said.

"It was like a split second. Faster even. Pow-pow. He hesitated with me. Not like them. It was one after the other with them. Pow-pow. Then me. I think above my nose." Andy said, touching the bridge of his nose. "It was like being punched in the face."

"Ok. What happened to you?"

"Oh, Jules, he shot me. You asshole. So I musta lived, right? I'm here with you guys."

"What's the first thing you remember after you were shot?"

"Talking on the phone with your dad. My mom was sick." He answered. "Why are we here? In this awful place. I don't like it here at all."

"Go back to bed, Andy. You'll wake up with a different perspective. And you won't be here. I'll see you soon."

Andy walked away from them at least with food for thought. His reaction was the most innocent. No anger, no fear, just a 'you asshole'. They stood in the kitchen and all waited for whatever came next. Chess lifted her down off the counter and sat with her on a chair. The others all took the floor and sat still, listening to the sounds outside.

"Well, Julia. What now?" Jay asked.

"I expected a lot more. It was a long shot, but I thought some self awareness might help all involved. Remembering."

"And did it?"

"What do y'all think? It helped me."

"I didn't need to remember." Chess suggested.

"I did." Jay said. "I could feel it when I woke up. That heaviness. It was like guilt and shame. That's what it felt like exactly."

"I didn't need to see this!" Kelly yelled.

"Shh. You must be quiet." Julia said harshly. "The noise. No noise, Kelly."

"Why me? Why am I on all these field trips to hell with you?"

"I don't know why. Maybe cause Hayley isn't here."

"Well, Hayley is a lucky bitch." Kelly mumbled.

"Hayley...come here, Kelly." Julia said, holding out her hands to her. Kelly crawled across the floor and took Julia's hands. She closed her eyes and waited. "Just tell me what you see."

"I see Jayson. She is excited. He texted her. Gosh, Hayley is pretty in person. She's standing at this door. She's looking at pictures on her phone and she's smiling."

"What pictures?"

"Of her and Jayson. She's happy. Oh, there he is. He looks like himself. Like he looks here. He gave her a hug and he squeezed her ass. She likes that, like she's been waiting for that."

"Do you see Chess and Andy?"

"No. Just her and Jayson. They were talking about stuff, you know school and stuff. But she missed talking to him, so she didn't care if they were talking about dog poop, she was happy he was there. Oh, she likes him. A lot, he was her friend first not yours. She's kinda jealous of you, but she misses you. But you're mad at her. You shouldn't be mad at her. So Chess is there now and Andy. They're all like what's up? You texted us. Hayley didn't know Jay texted them too. Why are they here? It wasn't supposed to be Andy, Jay said. Where's Jesslyn? She's not coming, she's doing something for me. The phone rings. It's you. Jay sits the phone down on like the ledge there by Hayley. There's this other guy standing near Jayson. He's kinda creepy. He's like there but he isn't, like a ghost maybe? I don't know who he is, Julia, but he scares Hayley. It's kind of weird, he like moves Jay's hand."

"Who is the guy?" Jay asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Kelly took his hand, too as she held Julia's tighter in her small hand. "Hayley's hurt. He shot her. Chess right after that. Andy. He thought about him for like a second, like yes or no with Andy? But he fired the gun anyway. He had a choice with Andy and he made the wrong choice again. Jay's on the phone and he's coming for you. He's running. He's really fast. I can't keep up with him. Who runs like that fast? He feels comfortable running and it's almost like it didn't happen. Julia, I need to get to Julia."

"And now what?"

"I'm looking around. He's fast on his feet. Hold on a minute." Kelly said, concentrating on Jayson. "There's a room with no windows. It's a cute room. A nice bed. There's toys and a playpen. There's money in the playpen. The books are with Tavin. They won't find the books here. Julia's in the books. Julia calls them diaries. The creepy guy is in the room first ahead of Jayson. He's really weird. He scares me too, Julia. He's got this thing for you. He likes your hair. That's what it was, your hair, his Julia, Angel Julia. You're on the end of the bed, waiting to die. 'It's ok, Jayson. I'm ready. I'll go with you.' The guy holds onto the gun when Jayson pulls the trigger. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Whatever he's saying isn't Jay, it's the guy. A lying cheating whore. Fuck you,  you're no angel and he shoots, but jay doesn't want to shoot you. It's weird like Jay kinda pulled the gun away as the bullet came out and it hit your head. But you're still alive. Jesus Christ, a lot of cussing. How did you get up? You can't do that. Jay's shoving you, calling you names. He wants to strangle you, the weird guy. He strangles all of them. But Jay throws you away from him. There's like blood everywhere. The dresser, the floor, the bed, then you fought over the gun and he dropped it. You run. He shoots you in the back. Jay has no control over that one. He thinks you're dead. There's a lot of blood. From your head, from your back. There's a puddle of it. God...Jay sees it. He wants to go with you. The guy is gone. He put the gun to his own head cause he wanted to go with you. Not take you with him. Oh, God he loves you so much. He's not mad at you."

"What did Hayley see after? What's the first thing she remembers?"

"I can't, Julia. I can't watch that. They're hurting her. One after the other. No one hears her screaming. They're taking pictures of her. Like those books. She's thinking of you and your books. She's going to die a victim. Lay down and take it till she dies a victim. She doesn't know what to do. Oh, gross. They're putting things inside her. Oh, my..."  Kelly pulled her hands away. "I'm sorry I can't watch that. That's evil. I'd rather go outside right now than watch what they did to her."

"Kelly, that wasn't real ok. What they did to her."

"Ok, but still. It was real to her. As real as what's outside."

"Who was with Jayson, Kelly?"

"He saw me. He knew I was watching him and he didn't care much. He knew I couldn't touch him. He's aware of all of this. He's the darkness. He's the infection. He's the monsters at the door. He's still here, but not quite here. He's close. He's watching. He knows we know now. He says fuck you, come get me."

"Who is he?"

"Angel Julia, you know who he is."