Julia was half conscious. Her head fell under an ocean of chemicals and she drown in the effects. Wonderfully vibrant color exchanged and she floated on a purple cloud. The cell phone still in her hand, his voice calling her through the phone. Chess picked it up. "She's fine. She's high."
"Where the hell are you two? Are you on your way home?"
"We are. We are." Chess answered, hitting the joint he held in his hand. "Be home tonight. Late."
"How are you getting here? Do you need money?"
"We'll see you tonight." Chess hung up and stuck the phone back on charge. "Hey, you with me, Julia?"
"Yeeeaaaahhhhhh." She answered in a very long breath, her hand reaching up from where she lay to touch what ever she hallucinated. "All the bright colorssssssss, Chessssssss." She smiled and laughed and reached out at nothing, elongating her words and adding extra s's to her words. She'd been tripping a few hours now.
"Get your shit together. We're going home, ok."
"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyy."
The small room was a mess, but it was their small room for the next few hours. He had sobered up and looked around the mess. Beer bottles, vodka bottles, empty and half empty fast food containers. Chess cleared off the bedside table enough to find the ash tray. He set the roach in the ridge of the ash tray and lit a cigarette. He watched her trip, laying on the bed at the opposite end. Her feet propped up on the pillows and her naked and exposed little body still except for her extended arms.
2 trash bags. He thought. He needed two trash bags. Clementine would roll past soon enough with her cart and he'd get some from her, the older black woman who worked the front desk and cleaned up the rooms that had emptied out. He looked away from Julia, wondering the last time she'd eaten? 2 days? The last time she slept? 2 days? Bathed? A few hours. He made her keep clean and she smelled overwhelmingly fruity and sweet this morning.
The phone rang. Again. He ignored it. If Tavin didn't leave them alone. A voicemail and a text message. The phone rang again. "What?" Chess asked.
"Do you need money?"
"I got money." Chess answered. "We'll be home tonight. Late."
Chess disconnected. Chess had money. He looked at the bag on the floor. A simple black and sturdy back pack. 'Got money.' He said, opening up the iPad. He face timed Hayley. "Yo, where's Kevin?"
"Outside."
"Fucking cold as shit, Hay. You coming home with us tonight, yeah."
"Of course." She smiled. God, she was pretty. He could still appreciate her fine features, the blond hair and the way it fell around her face. Pink tips and highlights this week.
"Lookin like a white Nicki Minaj." Chess laughed.
"Love you too, Chessy. Where's Jules?"
"High as fuck. If she could speak, she'd say tell Kev thanks."
"Sure, baby. Sure. No problem." Hayley said, moving the iPad away from her as she changed her position on her seat. He caught a glimpse of her D cups. He swore he saw a nipple. Maybe two. "We should stay here, Chess."
"I know. I gotta get her home and we got what we came for. We gotta get the hell out."
"Have her here by 6 and sober her up."
"She'll be sober. You be packed up. Love you."
"You too."
Chess got up. He kicked his bag under the bed and put a towel around his waist. He heard the wheels rolling by the door. "Miss Clem, two big trash bags, please." He asked of her. She was the largest and most intimidating black woman he'd ever come across and Miss Clem could cook unlike anyone he'd ever met. Half the food containers were from her house. She used her meaty hands to hand over the trash bags. "You leave that room the way you found it." She ordered.
"Yes, ma'am." He nodded to her.
"You want fresh sheets?" She asked.
"I sure do." He answered, taking the crumpled up linens from her.
He pushed the door shut and unrolled the fitted sheet on the bed. He took the money and tucked it in his backpack. He took paper brown bag and opened it. Two smaller and separate bags, half weed and half powder cocaine. "Thank you, Miss Clem." He tucked it in the back pack and his nerves kicked up. This was about the time he started feeling nauseated. He had to make it back to Maverick with felonies worth of drugs. He thought about cleaning up the room as he kicked away the empty bottles from his feet. They clinked together and made a clatter that caught the heavy drinker's attention.
"Vodka." She said.
"You're fucked up, baby." Chess told her, choosing to take complete advantage of her in that state. She could take a pounding when she was high and numb and feeling so 'undefeatable' as she called it.
When he got on the twin sized bed and between her milky white thighs, she lifted her ass cheeks off the bed to meet him.
"Hold me down." She said, putting her arms above her head, crossing at the wrist. He covered her forearms with his hands, gripping not too tight and hovering above her. "Don't let go."
T stood at the entrance to Kevin's apartment. He opened the door and he let them inside from the bitter Philly cold. The city in winter and cold with snow in piles on the ground all gray and dirt splattered and the noise, all that city noise, unnerved him. Chess hated the city, the feel of the city. He never felt at home there.
He met Kev with a hand shake and smoked some weed with him while the girls went in the bedroom. Julia had come down from her high and she was looking for her next one. In Philly, Julia was anonymous and she was a different person. Kev tossed her a baggie and she set out the lines, using a bank card he had on the table. "Thanks," Julia said, inhaling line one, pinching her small nose, then wiping beneath it with the back of her hand. "Chess," Julia said, pointing to the line.
"No." He answered, hitting the joint. Someone had to be level headed.
Julia reminded him as she walked back to Hayley in the bedroom where she looked like so hot in her sheer pink baby doll negligee and her matching heels. Julia started to feel super confident, taking in the stunning body in front of her. The D cups, the tiny waist, her thick legs. The heels perked her ass up high. "Leave those heels on. You look sexy as fuck." Julia told her. "And I am all pale and skinny and ugly over here." Hayley's French manicure and matching Pedi caught her eye, pink lipstick and the matching eye shadow.
"Snow white, get dressed for daddy." Hayley said, excited, tossing the white extra small baby doll nighty toward her. Julia stripped off her heavy winter wardrobe and slipped into the little delicate and sheer negligee. Hayley added some blush and some red lipstick and dotted her hair with tiny clipped in white flowers.
"Hayley, this is weird." Julia said.
"You haven't had enough drugs then." Hayley smiled, placing her hands on Julia's shoulders.
Julia pulled on the white matching panties that covered her ass and Hayley spun her into the mirror that was in the corner of the well lit room. "You're pretty." She said, pulling her hair over her shoulders and primping it a bit. "Look how pretty you are."
"You call him daddy too much. It's creepy."
"You don't have to. So shut it. He's my sexy man okay. This is what I do to please him."
Hayley was, Julia decided, the most selfish bitch on the planet. She couldn't resist that body of hers, but self centered all the way. She was hot and she knew it and Julia vowed that she'd never hook up with Hayley again. Didn't matter how much money Kevin slid across the table to Chess, Hayley was a selfish cunt and an obnoxious lover. Any pleasure during the whole experience had to be directed toward her. Hayley wasn't into giving, just receiving and the most that she'd do was kiss her. If lucky, she'd get some tongue in her mouth. Hayley was work and that was it. Julia pleased her and licked her and made her cum 10 times. She talked dirty to her and slapped her ass till it was red. She took her lingerie off piece by piece and left the heels on before going in head first, making her ooze her juices all over her and Julia and the sheets beneath her ass. After all that she still wasn't done, pulling the dildo from beneath the pillow and working Hayley up to her last Julia donated orgasm. Daddy wheeled to the bed and Julia scooted away, shutting the bedroom door and heading to the bathroom where she pulled off the lingerie and scrubbed her face and throat and hands till she was clean.
"Never again, Chess." Julia said, setting on the sofa next to him.
"You say that every time." Chess reminded her, taking her hand.
"Never. Again. She's selfish."
"He pays you. Easy money, you keep your clothes on and you don't get fucked."
"That's the problem, she won't fuck me. She won't even touch me. Not even my tits. God." Julia complained. "I feel like a guy that does all the work." Julia shed her towel and climbed on top of Chess. Julia fiddled with his jeans and let his erection out and slid smoothly over him. "Feel that? She should be dealing with that. I'm so wet."
His hands held her waist. "Her loss is my gain, baby. If you want a girl, we can get a girl."
"I just wanna go home." Julia said.
By the time they crossed the threshold to Sandy's house it was near midnight. The house was dark, except for the twinkling Christmas tree. Jay crashed on the couch. Tatia lay at the opposite end, both beneath blankets. Alex was curled up on his iPad, chatting with his buxom Latina from Delaware.
"Hey," Julia whispered, leaning over the sofa and kissing his head. "Missed you."
"Missed you too." He said, whispering.
"Hi, Care." Julia smiled, waving in the dark to her. "Say hi to Val."
"Merry Christmas!" She called through the screen.
"Shhh, Merry Christmas." Julia said. "Go to bed. Santa's coming."
"Thanks for our cards." Care said.
"Love you girls. You're welcome."
Julia reached in her bag and tossed a pile of cards beneath the tree and a wrapped present for Tatia. She struggled to take the bag off Chess.
The money. All that money.
"I love you, Chess."
He didn't want to let the bag go.
"I love you, Chess." She pulled again. "Chess, we talked about this." He let it go. Julia jogged the steps to the second floor and opened the door to the bedroom. Tavin slept alone in Jay's bed. Julia jumped on him.
"Hey, sexy." She cooed, sitting across his abdomen.
"Hey, welcome home." His arms gripped her around her small waist, fingers locking behind her on the small of her back. Julia set the bag beside him. "Merry Christmas. Down payment." She smiled, pulling the money out and piled it on his chest. "Repeat after me, Julia and Chess always have a place to lay their heads."
"Julia and Chess always have a place to lay their heads."
"I love you." Julia told him, leaning over and kissing his forehead. She crawled off him and into Tatia's bottom bunk. "I am so fucking drained." Julia complained. "It was a long week with Hay and daddy. Jesus Christ, Tavin. I thought me and Chess were strange. You gotta see these two."
"Are you high?"
"Cocaine is a helluva drug."
"Yes, I recall the drug." He said. "I know you're young and you're experimenting and you want to try new things. Please be careful."
"Ok, dad." Julia replied, kicking off her sneakers. "Did you ever fuck on it? It is amazing."
"Julia, I appreciate your desire to be open with me, but I am recovering." He warned her. "You don't have any on you? We have kids here."
"I do not. I left it in Philly." Julia said.
"Look, you, I'm trying to keep you from even beginning to fuck up your life."
Too late, she thought. "Straight and narrow. From here on out. Promise."
"Julia, you can talk to me."
"I know."
"There's nothing I wouldn't understand. No judgment."
"I miss the peace. Remember the quiet solitude of that farm house?"
"You mean the moaning and groaning of zoms impaled on a fence?" He yawned.
"I miss the freedom and the control. Did I choose the wrong world? But did we choose the wrong world?"
"You need to make peace with your choices. Talk to Amanda or go see her. She's wanted to see you since-"
"Since I sent her into that room with a monster. I am such an asshole. I looked out for number one and had no qualms about sending her there."
"Julia, she's alive and home with her family. Trust me, she's grateful."
"I can not face her. I have no excuse. I did it entirely on purpose."
"You saved her life."
"I could have just as easily ended it all over again." Julia said. "That room, that house. That awful place. He raped us there. Susie and me and her. I should have gone in and done it myself. I had no right to do that to her. What a little shit I am. As tough as I was. I worked and worked regaining my strength and my mind. I learned to fight and for what? To pussy out. Take advantage of her. How depraved am I?" Tavin was silent. "Are you awake? Did you hear me?"
"I'm listening."
"Well, give me an answer."
"I can't. You have to talk with Amanda for answers." Tavin said. "That was some cut throat shit. I couldn't believe you did that. Unbelievable."
"I wish I could say I am sorry for what I did, but I'm not."
"I don't have to live with it, you do."
"I should be sorry though. Right? Have a shred of remorse. Right?"
"Leaders make the decisions that benefit the entire group." Tavin said. "Would you play it out the same way all over again?"
"Looking back, it worked so perfectly. Everything fell into place. The way I feel though, I should have done it myself."
"Would you do it different? Yes or no?"
"No. I feel like I should say yes, but no."
"Let it go." The best advice he could offer. "Where's Chess?"
"With Ray."
Tavin pulled a stack of money from his chest and put it all back in the bag. "Thank you. Night, Julia."
Julia got up and found the twins in the basement watching the Griswold's Christmas vacation. The two sat snickering. Julia curled up on the sofa next to Chess and watched the movie with them.
"Julia, don't you have a house?" Ray asked.
"Yeah. Why? You guys wanna be alone?" She asked.
"No, you're always here is all. It's weird seeing you with him."
"Yeah, weird." Julia repeated. Weird was sitting with two Chess's. Mannerisms, voices, bodies, the finishing each other's sentences. She'd never paid attention to it before they got together. Since the return, Chess and Ray started spending more time together. They understood each other without having to communicate. They felt each other through this connection. During their separation, that's why Ray had spent his time 'away'. He sensed the in between, the limbo. He couldn't get it together, had even been diagnosed as schizophrenic. Upon the return, there were lingering questions and feelings like he sensed Chess's truth, or as Chess called it, his version of the universe.
They'd skipped so far ahead in time, according to the flip side's time frame that when they had all woken up they weren't quite sure what had happened or what day or even year it was. Similar to starting from scratch, they had to research the world they missed and had lived while away. All those involved awoke blended with their counterparts from the flipside and carried the full truth, the knowledge of the time from first night to last night. Jess had the hardest time dealing with it, but all her questions had suddenly been answered and her issues were resolved with both Julia and Chess. The truth for Kelly was as heavy as what had transpired with the angels. She had the memory of their rescue from their home on Green Street, both times, as well as the realization that Julia and Tavin had meant more to each other than friends and had been more than co-captains of the zombie apocalypse. She and Julia had been lovers on and off, which was utterly shocking to her on top of the fact she'd spent one drunk night with more than Tavin. They then faced loss. Where were Tarin and Hannah? They'd lost the babies and that loss was felt across the board by all of them.
Julia hadn't slept right from the time they returned. It'd been nearly six months. She was in a constant state of alertness, even in a sound sleep. No drug or sleeping pill or amount of alcohol helped. She had trained herself to control the dream, to be pulled or to pull herself that it was second nature to stay alert. She was restless when she slept, rarely dreamed. When those around her could finally sleep peacefully and with no threats and no worries, she was the opposite. Sleeping without Chess only made the nights worse and longer. She'd been so used to being surrounded by them that being without them set her into a state of fear and panic. Explaining that to anyone other than her people fell on deaf ears. No one understood. It was a feeling the others lacked as well. Considering they were all just a phone call away didn't matter in the least. At home she still couldn't go into the basement. There were no more ghosts. The house was full. Ellen and Cal had their room. Andy occupied his. Ellen refused to relocate her home office/study/craft room to the basement and thought Julia's sudden reluctance to go down the basement silly. Like a kid scared of the dark. But Julia's memory still carried the trauma, the fear, the pain. In her mind's eye she saw blood on the carpets. The room signified death, a chamber of blood and death. She wouldn't even go down there for clothes. She usually crashed in with Andy, tucking in close to him at night and tossing and turning at his side.
She awoke startled and nearly fell off the sofa. Chess and Ray had another movie on and were chuckling at the antics of Clark Griswold. She'd slept about 2 hours. "You're fine. Go back to sleep." Chess said, catching her mid fall.
Chess never questioned her weirdness. Never questioned her drug use. Never questioned the alcohol. He stood to prop her up, catching her every time she fell. Coming home had turned her into a mess. She finally stopped talking about it. Unless someone tried to pry her feelings out of her. Tavin had a habit of doing that, trying to ground her, trying to force her roots to grow in the here and now. But she constantly feared the infection, the collapse, the end. She privately had been planning, still scribing in her notebooks and keeping them in her bag. When she was out and saw something that would be useful during another zombie apocalypse, she jotted it down. Ideas for weapons, ideas for supplies, ideas for shelter and warmth. Her research continued like a hobby, a doomsday prepper without the preps. She didn't need them, she only needed a plan to put in motion. If she saw something on TV or read something in a book or online, she wrote it down. There were sticky notes and index cards scattered in whatever space she maintained at the time. Her brain constantly churned. She remembered. And she listened for the moans, the intrusion of creeping death upon life.
"Do you hear that?"
"Julia, no one's there."
"Go check, Chess."
"Julia, no one is fucking outside." Chess said annoyed, reaching into the popcorn bowl.
"Maybe it's Santa?" Ray suggested.
Julia tried to settle, but couldn't. She had to look. Every noise, every sound, every clink, every hushed voice. She got up. She had to look. "Can I have a smoke, Chess?" Julia asked, thinking it was a horrible habit to have started. He handed her the pack and she went outside. She smoked and searched the darkness for monsters. Habit forced her hands to her waist. No weapons. Shit, shit. Stop it. She told herself as she sat on the ground outside Chess's basement door. Chess had been right and Ray had been wrong, no monsters and no Santa.
"It's cold, come inside." Chess told her.
"Not as cold as the city." She said, putting out the second cigarette.
"What's wrong with you, baby? Tell me."
"Think we'll ever have a place again? Where we belong?"
"We belong here. Julia, it's what we all wanted. We're home."
"We're home. But our identities. Who are we now? What do we do now that we're here? Finish school and start some meaningless life? Get my job back at the Christian book store and think about going to prom? Go shopping with Ellen and eat shitty food tainted with chemicals and antibiotics? Listen to music and write essays?"
"You think too much." Chess said
"I got paid to fuck Hayley this week." She said, lighting another cigarette.
"You wanted to fuck Hayley."
"I crossed time and space to fuck Hayley."
"Julia, you got paid to do what you were going do for free, so what the hell are you talking about? I shoulda never told you about the money. You were happier when you didn't know about the money."
"You pimped me."
"Geeze, you act like I got you in an ad on Craig's list or something." Chess took the cigarette from her and finished it.
"Did you hear that?" Julia asked, hearing the noise to her left.
"The neighbor's zombie cat?" He pointed out as the white four legged creature hopped their fence. "Get in the fucking house. No death tonight."
"I know what you need." Jay told her, handing her his cup of OJ.
"Please, tell me." Julia asked, taking his cup and drinking it down. The cold sweet juice tasted so good.
"Same thing I need." Jay smiled, pulling on his hat over his head. "Go change."
Julia went and changed into sweats and sneakers, then met him out back on the deck as he stretched. He encouraged her to do the same. "Where you going?" Chess called through the door. Julia ran in place and rolled her eyes.
"Where are we running? The track?"
"Doesn't matter. Look, just shut up and go. You know I don't like all the talking."
"Sure, Jay. Yeah." She said, following him down the few steps to the grass.
Jay went easy on her, starting with a jog, then when they got to the track, he took off and left her trotting in circles. She felt good, strong since she quit smoking, drinking and doing all the other illegal drugs. Separating herself from that unfavorable lifestyle and the anonymity of the city life, she'd resumed her role as Julia the senior with her whole life ahead of her. As she ran the track an airplane flew over them and her heart started to pound a bit till it flew on past, remaining in the sky. Planes over Mav West. Airplanes coming down and explosions. The earth shook that day. Julia shook it off and kept going, catching up to Jayson and forcing herself to stay at his side. He was fast and she almost gave up, but she couldn't let him have that track and pace to himself. She had to double time her short legs to keep up with him until he purposefully slowed down.
"Can we run to get coffee soon?"
"Sure." He answered. "5 more, then coffee."
"Five, you're killing me." She whined.
Post five laps they jogged to the coffee shop and sat together by the window inside the shop.
"Jules, can I ask a question?"
"Yeah, what's up?" She asked, sipping the hot Colombian black coffee.
"Where do you get your money?" Jay leaned closer to her. "You brought home a fuck ton of cash. Tatia found some of what you brought home and was carrying it around in her purse."
"My pocket." She joked, but Jay wasn't kidding. "Jay, you know what Chess does. Don't be an idiot here."
"That's not the kind of money that you making selling weed at school."
"Jay, you know what Chess does." Julia insisted.
"Why give it to my brother?"
"I owe him." Julia answered. "It's the down payment on the house."
"What house?"
"The one your brother wants. I found him looking at houses on line and well, we talk. He told me what he wanted to do. He's short the money. Chess got him the money to add to his and we're even."
"What house?"
"This ugly house that's needs work. But it has all the space we-he needs for everyone. Tavin wants to move into a house. He's almost done school, he's in good with Kelly and her fucking parents, he's got a job. He's planning a future, Jayson. And he wants you and the kids and-"
"To get out of Sandy's?"
"Yes, Jay."
"But he told you? And not me."
"What's the big deal? It's not for you to worry about. This was something he wanted to do for you and them." She explained. "Sandy doesn't even know yet."
"But you do."
"Jayson, me and Tavin have, and always will have, this bond. It's how we are."
"So we don't have a bond anymore?" He asked.
"I wish you could feel how bonded I am to you and your family. More than my own. You fucking boys are my life."
"Do you two have a plan? Are you two still planning something? Have you ever stopped planning?"
"No. We are planning for two very different futures. Either way it's a win-win."
"We're not close anymore at all."
"I think we're close right now, but it's hard to be close to you sometimes, Jayson. It's a struggle, you know, the boundaries. Lines that I can't cross, but my mind always goes there with every one of you."
Jay stared at her. "I know. I am strange. I am just a weirdo. Sorry."
"You still think of us, like that?"
"Not like every single minute of the day obviously, but sometimes. Sure." She admitted. "You don't."
"No, I do. I didn't expect you to say it like that is all." He said.
"Like sitting next to you right now, I remember the way you used to bring me coffee and I would just feel so fucking, undeniably in love with you. One thought like that just leads to ten other thoughts like that and boom, shit starts churning in this fucked up head of mine and I-"
"What? You what?"
"Have to stop myself and remind myself that I love Chess. Very fucking much and-"
"And-"
"Taking you in the bathroom right now and letting you fuck me over the sink would just destroy that." She sighed. "So, you wanna leave?"
"Not right this minute. We should wait a few minutes." He said, picking up his cup and finishing his coffee.
"Sure, Jay. You know it's not happening right?"
"I know. But I can't really walk around like this." He replied, folding his hands in his lap over his obvious bulge. "Start talking about something else."
"Wanna know how I made my money? My weekend job?" She had a wicked little smile on her face. The kind that made him want to drag her by her hair into the bathroom. "I have a very specific set of skills, Jayson."
"You have no skills, Julia."
"In Philadelphia, Kev's apartment."
"Uh, yeah, they hook up."
"You know he can only do so much for her. Being in that chair of his has its limitations as I am all too familiar with. When you wanna get off, but you need to get excited and how do you get excited when you cannot be stimulated? Hayley has her way of visually stimulating her boyfriend. Usually she dresses up in these little bitty outfits and Jay, I'm talking sexy. All that blond hair and those D cups, that thick ass of hers. God, she's just so hot, you know. Underneath those clothes, she's just amazing. And that pussy of hers is to die for, so wet and soft and just totally smooth. A girl can get lost in there as easily as a guy."
"That's not helping me, Julia."
"I think it is. So, Kev sits there in his chair and watches as I do what I do. My skill set. The skills you say I don't have. The skills you've seen before."
"You do that for money? He lets you do that for money?"
"I would do it for free." Julia stood up and took their empty cups. "I thought I was doing it for free. Geeze, Jay."
"How could he let you do that for money?"
"Jay, it's all about Hayley. Has nothing to do with me. My clothes stay on, no one touches me. I performed a service. That's all."
"You're not allowed to do that."
"I'm not? Why not?"
"I'm going to kill him. Why would he let you do that?"
"It's no different than anything we haven't already done, Jayson."
"It is different. It's wrong. You got paid to do it."
"It's the easiest money I'll ever make, Jayson."
"He should have fucked that guy up for even- Jesus, Julia."
Needless to say the mood at Sandy's was tense. She'd talked enough to Jay on the way home she thought to keep him from going off on Chess. But the pressure eventually built up to the point that it exploded in Chess's kitchen. Jay's fist met Chess's cheek out of no where. Not like Julia hadn't already warned him to watch out for it.
"Jay, come on. Stop. The kids are here." Julia yelled at him, moving the kids from the kitchen to the living room. Jay knocked him down and kept punching him. "Jayson, stop it!" She screamed, trying to pull him off Chess and avoid getting hit in the process. Think, she thought quickly. She kicked him in the chest, knocking him back, but not off Chess. All the people in the house at any given moment and where were they when they fist fight happened? No where to be found. Julia grabbed jay around his neck and tried to drag him off Chess, but she wasn't strong enough. "Jay, I will hurt you. Stop it." She urged him, not really wanting to hurt him. Jay's hands went around Chess's throat and squeezed. "Jay, stop you're gonna fucking kill him." Julia cried as she reached onto the counter and pulled a knife out of the drain. She held it at his throat, which stopped him from moving and squeezing. But he left his hands on his throat. "I won't kill you, but I will cut you."
"Julia, put the knife down." Tavin said, coming in the kitchen.
"Let him go, Jayson." Julia said, pressing the knife against his flesh, digging it in, but being very careful.
Jay released his hands from Chess's throat. Julia pulled the knife away and threw it on the countertop. Tavin helped Chess to his feet, blood dripping from his eye and nose. He looked at his wounds. Chess took off his tee and held it against the spots he bled from. He pushed Tavin away. "I'm fine."
"What the hell are you guys fighting about?" Tavin yelled.
"She's not a fucking whore and don't you ever treat her like one again." Jay said to Chess. "The fuck's wrong with you?" He looked at Tavin. "Did you know about this?"
"About what?" Tavin asked.
"No, he doesn't, Jayson." Julia yelled, pushing him. "You were about 3 seconds from getting stabbed, asshole."
"Why are you telling him anything?" Chess yelled at her. "It's none of your business." Chess said to them.
"Fuck you. Respect your fucking woman. Even if she cant respect herself, it's your job to fucking protect her and keep her from doing dumb fucking shit." Jay yelled. "I would never let her do that. Ever."
"You two did some dumb shit in a coffee shop this morning. You didn't stop her from doing that. I didn't come punching you in the fucking face for it even though I could have."
"What did you do?" Tavin asked, pulling the tee from Chess's eye.
Jay said. "Nothing happened between me and her this morning."
"Do you get off on every coffee shop conversation then, Jay? Or just the ones you have with her?"
"You're lucky that's all that happened in the coffee shop this morning. Did she tell you what she wanted me to do? Or just that?"
"What did she do at the coffee shop?" Tavin asked, confused.
"She wanted to fuck in the bathroom at the coffee shop."
"No, I didn't. You're twisting my words all around, Jay."
"You didn't?" Jay asked. "Are you serious?"
"You spend too much time here. Go home, Julia." Chess said.
"Chess, really?" Tavin asked.
"Get off me." Chess said angrily to Tavin. "Go the fuck home, Julia."
"I can't, Chess-" She said nervously.
"Go home. Get the fuck out."
"Chess, I- I'll go." She said. "Let me get my-"
"Get the fuck out." He yelled.
"Yo, Chess, calm down." Tavin said.
"Ok, ok. It's ok." Julia said, tears in her eyes.
Julia left with nothing.
She sat outside for awhile at the table by the door to the basement. She was freezing cold. She had nothing. She left everything at Chess's house. She sat crying till she threw up and then cried some more. Her dad finally came outside and got her. Andy had seen her and told him she was home.
"How have you been?" Her dad took a seat across from her.
She laughed, feeling the nausea build up inside her.
"Coming inside or are you just going to sit here all night?"
She didn't answer.
"Cold?" He asked, taking off his jacket. He tossed it to her and she put it on.
"Freezing." She mumbled.
"Can I help you?"
"No." She answered.
"Are you on drugs?"
"I wish." She answered.
"Have you thought about counseling?"
"For what?" She laughed. "The zombies that aren't real? The death that never happened and the fear that never happened? The rape that never happened? The shooting that never happened? The wheelchair I never had? The grief I feel for two kids who don't exist? It's an invalid, irrational fear and all I'm left with is insomnia. I wish I had amnesia."
"Irrational is not moving on with life and being afraid to come in your own home."
"It's not what I thought it would be, dad. It only got more complicated."
"Welcome to the real world."
"Will you go in with me?" Julia asked, looking over her shoulder at the basement door.
"Sure."
The two went inside the dark basement. Julia hit the light switch upon going through the door, illuminating the darkness. All her stuff sat in the same spot she left it. Dusty, but intact. She looked for blood, searched for remnants of that afternoon that clearly were absent. It was a shrine to her and Jayson. Their pictures, their memories. She turned on the table lamp. No demons lurked in the basement, only in her head.
"Think Andy would stay with me awhile? Till I'm comfortable?"
"Sure, I can tell him to come down. Rey's here."
"That's ok. Thanks. When Rey leaves then." Julia said, picking up her picture frame with her favorite picture of her and Jayson. She'd carried it through hell and back. She pulled the frame apart and removed it. Removed all the pictures of her and Jayson and set them in a small pile on her table. Julia looked at the play pen that Tatia wouldn't begin to fit in anymore. She pulled the panel out of the bottom of it, ripped off the duct tape and stared at the cash in her hands. She set it on the table with the picture. She then folded the playpen and tucked it in the storage between her room and the basement door. She boxed up the toys and books and placed them there too, which left her corner open for a desk. She needed a desk, space for her lap top and her notebooks. A work area, a space to create the plan for the future. She had a plan for the bad and inevitable future, but in the mean time she needed a plan for the good future, one where she lived in peace with herself.
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