CHAPTER FOUR-THE DIARIES OF CALEB DOWNING

Jess was viewed by the local cops as a runaway.  She took clothes, a bag, some of her things. As far as they were concerned, she chose to walk away. Up and walked out of her house in the middle of the night and left her cell phone behind, her life behind, her sadness and depression behind. It appeared as though Jess had dropped off the face of the earth. Julia knew better, but when the cops interviewed her she truly hadn't known what happened to Jess. She and Jess didn't spend a lot of time together or talking anymore, which was true. Their interactions were limited since she got out of the hospital the first time.

Tavin hadn't spoken to her in a few days. She had no updates in the way of Jayson and he wasn't answering his phone or her texts. Julia set that aside as she and her dad focused on the move. He had rented a U-Haul and dad and a couple friends moved them back home. Tom had done a good job with the ramps and Julia could scoot easily into and out of their house from the front and the back entrances. One truckload was all they needed, moving only an apartment as opposed to the entire house. When Cal went to return the truck, Julia rolled to the cellar way and opened the door. Having made sure that Cal was away and she was alone, she called downstairs.

"Hello! Jay, are you still down there?"

No word from Tavin meant bad news. As each day had passed without word from him, she pictured Jayson still in her basement room. No response was good news, but Tavin was playing with her for some reason. Julia opted not to speculate on what possibly could have happened to one or both of them and having Jesslyn disappear on the very same night that Jay had returned home, it was all very suspicious to her. Where the hell were they?

Julia unpacked some and opened up the doors and windows, releasing the stale emptiness of the house. She wheeled into her new room and she started to open and unload boxes, setting everything out in its own place. She moved along quick and felt good for the first time in a long time. Concentrating on being home and staying home, preserving her energy and meditation had rallied her. When she finished, she realized as she looked around her room that she had downsized considerably.

Cal returned with lunch and they sat at the table, eating cheesesteaks and drinking sodas.

"Julia, do you know where Jesslyn is?"

"No." She answered.

"You don't seem worried about her."

"I'm not worried about her. She'll come home when she's ready."

"Would you tell me if you knew where she was?"

"Nope. But I really don't know. We don't talk that much." Julia replied, thinking and hoping that she and Jay were together. He'd take care of Jess.

Julia cleared up from lunch and started unpacking what was left of the downstairs. Upstairs was all on Cal. She cleaned up some, dusting and scrubbing what she could. She had her dad vacuum the carpet. In the early evening, Cal left for work and Julia got a shower and settled on the sofa for a night of TV.

When Tavin called, she ignored him. The phone was clear across the room and she had no desire to get up and fetch it. She wanted to get stoned, then didn't feel like getting up for that either. She felt her nerves kicking in. As she scanned the downstairs of her house, it still felt comfortable, but she felt like she was suffocating again. The meditation...was on her phone...across the room. She sat up from her very cozy spot and she threw her legs one at a time over the edge of the sofa. She reached for her wheelchair, which rolled back a bit.

"What the hell?" She moaned annoyed. She thought maybe she'd hit it with her leg as she moved to reach for the chair. She moved a little to the left, reached again and it rolled clear away from her. "Oh, I see." Julia frowned. "I'm not an idiot. I see what's going on. Gimme that back dammit."

Julia slid over the edge of the sofa to the floor. She scooted as she had practiced to through the room and past her chair as she made her way into the kitchen counter for her phone. "I don't want you here. You are not allowed here in my space. Go down the basement." She ordered. The air around her felt cold and enveloped her like a cloud. She felt very chilled, every hair on her stood at attention and she had goose bumps. "I said leave me alone." She screamed. The air around her changed at that instant. The temp want back to normal and the cellar door creaked every so slightly. "Don't ever touch my chair again." She called after him.  Son of a bitchin' Caleb Downing. "I wasn't scared of you then and I am not scared of you now." She yelled, dragging herself across the kitchen floor. She pulled the cellar door ajar, peering down the dark steps. "I am coming after you again. I'm coming after you so you better get ready!" She screamed into the dark basement. Something fell over down there, a clunking noise. She closed the door fast. She didn't want to piss him off, just assert herself.

As she scooted across the tile kitchen floor, she felt useless. She slowly made her way to the cell on the counter. She gave the cord a yank, making it fall off the counter into her lap. As she went to dial Tavin's number, the door bell rang.  "Who is it?" She yelled.

"Me. Open up." Tavin called.

"Come around the back. I'm closer to the back door." She yelled, reaching up and unlocking the door.

"Why are you on the floor?" He asked as he came inside.

"Where have you been? You won't talk or text me?"

"There's a problem."

"I figured. He left didn't he? He took Jesslyn with him."

"That's the problem. I really thought they'd come back by now or call me and tell me to come get them."

"Where are they, Tavin?"

"Some yellow motel just off the turnpike. He said it would only be overnight, then they'd disappear."

"I know the place. You drove them that far?"

"It's not that far."

"Took us almost all fucking day to get there, Tavin. I almost forgot about that place." Julia said, thinking of their first stop along the long road they took to their farmhouse. She told Tavin of their escape from Green Street and their long drive to the motel where they decided to make the ultimate decision not to forge ahead to the cabin, but to take a different direction altogether. It turned out it was the correct decision, direction and she'd been so mad over nothing. They were such a young group with a plan that turned out to be a rough draft on a not so bright future.

"So you're first plan was the cabin? Is that where he's going?"

"Yes, that was the plan. No, that's not where he's going."

"Do you know where they are?"

"No."

"He said to get Chess and come with him."

"No. I still wanna fix the original problem. Caleb Downing is in the basement."

"Alive?" He asked, looking toward the cellar door.

"No. I wouldn't be sitting here if that were the case. He rolled my chair away from me, fucking with me." Julia explained. "Fucking ghosts now."

"He still here?"

"In the basement, I told him to go there, stay there and leave me alone. He's not allowed up here." She replied. "What sweet irony is this? I have to live with the ghost of the man who raped me. He'll be watching me all over again. This is why I had a plan, Tavin."

"They will be ok."

"I realize that. He's a survivor."

"I read your book. And I brought you the other books." Tavin said, setting the back pack on the table. "What did you want them for?"

"The angels." Julia replied, leaning back against the door. "Names, details. We have to contact them. That's why I wanted Jay with Chess. Chess has to talk to the angels, including Hayley."

"Ok, so."

"It's a lot of fucking people, Tav. You know how many he killed, between the angels and the ones he didn't consider angels. They all gotta get to the table. And Chess is only one person."

"We'll do it without Jay."

"Jayson's the key, Tavin. He's the one who has to change his decision from that night."

"Can I do it for him?"

"I don't...I guess we could try. But what sense is that? None of this makes any sense."

"I like my idea, let them rest in peace."

"They are not at peace." She frowned, staring up at him. "He's dead among the living. Caleb's a ghost in the cellar. I want my husband and my legs. None of us is at peace. This is not peace. I'd be ok with rest in peace, if that's what it comes down to. Just so I can move completely on it would be worth it."

"Let's get up. We need to work on the plan."

"There's no plan without Jay."

"There's a plan with Jay. He said he'd contact me. Plan first, then contact later."

"Let's get to work."

Julia and Tavin spent hours working on the first phase of a plan they weren't sure would even work. They poured over Caleb's books and Julia noted names and ages of every victim Caleb had written about. They made a rough draft of the first part of the plan, contacting the angels, including Hayley. The first part of the plan hinged on Chess's ability to talk to the angels and convince them to help and then convince them to cross over afterward, leaving them all rest in peace. Julia hoped none of them were at peace, having all been buried in shallow unmarked graves. And those that had been located had yet to be identified.

"Chess is gonna be surrounded by chicks."

"They have to move in with them." Julia nodded.

"Surrounded by girls. Lots of angels." Tavin grinned.

"They aren't Vicky secret angels, Tavin. It's not a fantasy." Julia laughed, pushing him a bit. Julia closed the new notebook and handed it back to Tavin. "Copy it, bring it back and I'll take it to Chess. And since Jay is M.I.A., we're depending on my Chess. Sensitivity is not necessarily his strong suit."

"So you like wanna hang out and watch some TV?" Tavin asked.

"Umm, you wanna watch Family Guy with me? Cause that's what this girl does at night." She said, wheeling away from the table toward the living room.

"We're pathetic, you know."

"Yeah, but soon, it'll be different." She shrugged. "Try to think positive. What's your problem?"

"Sandy told me to grow the fuck up."

"So what else is new? Sounds like Sandy."

"She wants me to take the kids."

"Where?"

"With me. Away with me. Take them with me, Julia. Be their guardian. She told me to grow up and take care of my family. She told me that's what Jay would do."

"You're not Jay though. She's got a lot on her plate, yeah."

"On the plate in her damn head." Tavin complained. "My kids are grown, she tells me. And I wanted to argue. I held back because it was her. Her work is done. She can't handle them. I'm an adult now. When her and John started out they had less, blah blah blah..."

"Then do it, grow the fuck up and do it. Jay did more with less." Julia told him. Then it dawned on her. "You don't want them either. What is wrong with you?"

"That's not fair."

"I would take both of them if I could." Julia said. "You know what's sad, they have no one. And what do you think you're even doing here? Why leave Callie and come here? You need to evaluate yourself and what you want."

"That's what Sandy said."

"Know what I miss about Tavin from the farmhouse? He had this confidence. He took charge, just did what needed to be done. He stepped the fuck up. No one had to even ask or suggest. He just did. There's no sense of family, no bonds, nothing in this place. I miss that the most." She said, starting to cry. "I miss my fucking family. Jay gets here and doesn't wanna leave, but he fuckin' bails on me. I wake up and spend months trying to figure out how to bring my family back. I ask you for help and it takes weeks for you to pay attention to me. I have lost all fucking control of everything. We all get here and we go our separate ways. It's shitty. And there's a psychopath ghost in my basement."

"I don't know what to do."

"The right thing. And what do you think you're even doing here? Why leave Callie and come here? Just for Kelly? Cause you wouldn't drop your life and leave it for me."

"You didn't want me to drop my whole life and leave it for you. Remember? I want you to stop throwing that at me, it's wrong. And after Jay nearly killed you, I did leave there and I did come here. For you and them. So don't say I don't care about anyone."

"Ok, then. I'm sorry."

"What the hell do you want? Julia, tell me. Every time I get attached to someone, you throw that at me. Are we over or not? What do you want? Before I get in too deep with Kelly. And don't tell me you don't know, cause you know. Do you want to seriously try things with me or not? Stop fucking with my head and tell me what you want."

"Tavin-"

"You don't have anyone. Jay's gone. Chess is gone. And I am still the one with you. I love you and I think you love me too."

"It's never the right time for us. There's always other people or me-look at me-it's not fair to you."

"I don't care about that. You do." Tavin argued. "We were just a fling and now we're friends. That's all." He said, watching her twist her ring around on her finger.

"Don't say that, Tav."

"I'm not the only one who should evaluate what they want." He told her, picking up the book off the table. "Should I take his books with me? Put them back?"

"No, just leave them there. There's someone who needs to read them."

"Want me to pull out your chapter?"

"No." She answered. "And I know what I want. I know exactly what I want, Tavin. I keep hurting you. Am I what you want?"

"Julia, honestly, no. I want her. I want Kelly. Before you took me there, to her, I would have a different answer."

"And before Chess, I would have a different answer. At least we're on the same page with that, right?"

"Right." He smiled, leaning over her. He kissed her forehead. "We were more than a fling though, too."

"There's nothing wrong with a drunken, emotionally charged fling that lasts for years."

"Are you coming onto me, Julia?"

"Would you?"

"Would you?"

"You're thinking about it."

"So are you." Julia said.

"You wanna go to bed?"

"We should do the right thing. We should put other people first. You know, ahead of our needs."

"Starting tomorrow?" He joked.

"Now. Starting now."

"Ok, starting now. Can we watch Modern Family instead of Family Guy?" He asked, lifting her onto the sofa.

"Modern Family it is."

When Cal returned from work, he found both of them asleep on opposite ends of the couch. Lights on, clothes on, and the on demand menu channel was on the TV.  The noise was coming from the basement again, but he ignored it. He'd been down there a few times since getting the house ready to move in. He'd found nothing, reminding himself he needed to call an exterminator for whatever critter lurked down the basement. Once in the kitchen, he sat at the table with a drink and watched Julia sleep. On the table beside him were notebooks. Strange notebooks. He was used to her and her obsession with paper, jotting down cryptic notes about zombies and rescues. He thought maybe she was writing short stories or poems. These books in particular were worn and old and possibly had been damp and dried out at some time.

He opened the top notebook and started scanning the words on the page in the dimness of the kitchen. There were polaroid pictures paper clipped through the book. The date on the top was a long time ago and the handwriting was not Julia's. Cal had a gut feeling as he flipped through the books that these were the books, the diaries that everyone was so damn interested in finding. She was in the books somewhere. He moved the top two and opened the 3rd of three notebooks. He flipped to the back of the book and found what Julia had told him about, she was a chapter in the book. Her pictures. Her room. She'd been covered for the most part, but these pictures were taken of her and Jayson when they were both obviously unaware of them being taken. These pics weren't polaroid photos, they were modern and taken with a digital camera. He read over Julia's chapter, rambling and at times incoherent, nonsensical inscriptions. A man obsessed with his daughter had scribed them over a period of months. Cal was horrified at what this man wrote about his daughter. The fantasies about rape and the fantasies about abducting, killing her if she didn't comply with him. If he himself had killed this psychopath, he would have been screaming it from the streets. He would have made everyone who would listen aware of what he'd done and he would have been proud of himself for having done it. Julia had been right. Jayson took care of what he and the cops could not. The boy did the right thing, Cal thought. Jayson made the right choice.

Cal flipped on the kitchen light and got himself another drink. He started at the beginning. The first notebook, the first page, the first angel. By the time he read through the diaries of Caleb Downing, he realized what those books contained. They contained the truth about every abduction and murder and included the whereabouts of each body he'd buried. The last angel, Amanda, he'd enterred at the cabin where he followed Julia and Jayson. The diaries were a road map to dead bodies and Jayson prevented one more dead body from being buried. His daughter's.

Tavin woke when he'd closed the last book, looked at the last picture.

"You had them." Cal accused him as he got up from the couch.

"I dug them up." Tavin replied, rubbing his eyes.

"Where?"

"In your yard, in a bag, beneath the bush at the fence."

"Do you know what's in these books?" Cal asked, still shocked from what he'd forced himself to see and read. Each picture, some more horrifying than others. Degrading and inhumane.

"No. I never looked. I don't want to. I have heard though." Tavin said, taking a seat beside Cal at the table.

"I would have taken his head off too." Cal admitted through tears. "What he did to them...he was going to do to my daughter." Cal took a drink. "Why are the books here?"

"She said someone needed to read them. I'm guessing that would be you."

"Do you know what's in here?" Cal asked. Before Tavin could think, Cal answered for him. "The story of each girl and the location of their remains. It's a shrine to them, but it has answers for every parent who lost a daughter. They can have their daughters back, give them a proper burial, have closure for themselves."

"She's had them the whole time." Tavin said. "I think she's ready to give them up. She had me bring them to her. I dug them up for a reason."

Cal took his cell out of his pocket and called Officer Ripkin's cell phone. "Daniel, it's Cal Fry here. Yeah, we're alright. I have something for you, if you can swing by when you get a minute."

Tavin and Cal waited when he ended the call. "Is she going to be in trouble? Am I?" Tavin asked.

"I don't know." Cal replied, finishing his drink. He looked at Julia sleeping on the sofa completely unaware. Ironic, Tavin thought, Cal was diming her out like she'd dimed out Jayson. Tavin waited nervously, but not showing it.

Officer Ripkin called the FBI who took the books. She covered Tavin's ass, protecting him from any scrutiny.

"All he did was dig them up. I buried them before Jayson shot us. He didn't know what he was digging up till he brought them to me." Julia told Officer Ripkin.

"When did he bring them to you?"

"Tonight." Julia answered. "While my dad was at work."

"Why now? Why hide them at all?"

"I'm in there. That's why. I'm the last girl. The girls need justice. I wanted my dad to see them first, so he understood."

"So he understood what, Julia?"

"What he did to me."

The detectives that investigated Jay's case had returned and were not happy. The FBI had returned and they were not happy. They re-interviewed her the next morning at the police station in an interview room. Julia told the entire truth that could be told about Caleb Downing. What had happened to her, what Jayson did for her. She had been there. Hayley and Chess had been there. The only difference from Jay's confession to what Julia told the detectives was that she, Hayley and Chess had been there when the murder happened and when the house burned down. Julia detailed the months of stalking and the abduction and the assault in all it's detail. When they asked that she write it down, she already had that written and she signed it.

Julia's future hung in the balance Cal took her home and she waited for word as to whether she would be charged with anything and everything. The detectives had handed over the information, the signed confession from Julia to the District Attorney. The DA spoke with her in his office, gauged her honesty and her side of the story. A few days later she learned no charges would be filed. Caleb's books, she never saw again, never expected to and never wanted to. They kept them.

Jayson took the fall for everything, even though the truth had come out. The local DA wasn't going to charge a victim with any crime. The local law enforcement already had a confession to the murder and the arson. Three of the four involved were dead and buried and Caleb was charred beyond recognition. Julia handing over the books led to numerous graves being dug and remains being returned to families. Being victimized had helped her more than hindered her.

Again, she and Jayson had hit the local and national spotlight. The graves, as each was located, made the news and the families of those who were murdered were grateful that he was dead and gone and their children were being returned to them. They had closure, only they wished they'd had it sooner.

Julia sat watching the news with Tavin and thought of the girls. He sat with the notebook that they'd transcribed all the information into and he handed it and the copy over to Julia. Chess's copy.

As the news unfolded Tavin's phone rang. It was Jayson. "Put her on the phone." He demanded.

Tavin handed her his cell phone. "Jay."

"Hi, is Jess ok?"

"Jess is fine. Julia, what were you thinking? My face is fucking everywhere."

"That's right. That's what I was thinking. Are you ready to come home now? Go back with me? Trust me?"

"This was even lower than the last shit you did to me. Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"

"Call me when you're ready to come home." She ended the call.

"He's pissed, Red. I can tell by the sound of his voice."

"What's he gonna do? Kill me? He needs to come home and we need to go back."

"This was part of your plan?"

"Yes. I want my family back. I want to stick to the plan."

"And if the plan doesn't work?"

"I have to believe it will. He's stuck, wherever he is. He can't move without someone recognizing him."

"Julia, you didn't have to cover for me."

"I don't want you involved. I will always cover you. You have so little to do with Caleb Downing. You were pulled into this and helped me out when I needed it. This whole thing is on us. All four of us. The truth is out there. The bodies are being unearthed, which is also what I wanted. They had to disturb the graves and the souls. Angels are waking up everywhere. He's gotta jump back and we need to make contact. We have to do this now."

"But he's scared."

"He should be. He'll do the right thing. He'll call back."

"If he doesn't?"

"We still move forward." Julia said confidently.

The phone rang again about an hour later. "Jayson, babe, where are you? Let us come get you. You have to trust me. And Jess needs to come home too. Her mom's dying here."

"Jules, I-"

"Where are you?"

"Ann. We're going to see Ann, babe."

"Ok. See you soon. I'll call you when we're close."

Jay ended the call this time.

"Who the hell is Ann?" Tavin asked.

Tavin and Julia took a road trip through rural Pennsylvania to get to the library. She watched as the road passed till it all started to look familiar. "Turn off here." Julia said, looking at darkness of farm country that surrounded them. "Stay on this road. A few miles down the road, you'll pass the farmhouse." She said, watching as the familiar roadway wound past them. She'd driven the Prius on this very road so many times. "Can you slow down so I can see it please?" Tavin slowed to a crawl and idled outside the farmhouse. She started laughing hard.

"What? What's funny?"

"It's a bed and breakfast, Tavin.  Keep going. Straight through to town. The library is on the right. A few miles now."

Julia took Tavin's phone and dialed Jay. "We're almost there. 5 minutes maybe." She said. Then hung up. Jay and Jess met them on the curb out front on the main drag. They had their backpacks and they got in the suburban. Jess was tired. Jay was angry.

"You're going with us?" Jess said, curling up on Jay as she sat on the seat.

"No, Jess. I lied. We're going home."

"But-"

"It's not up for discussion." Jay told her simply.

"Where were you?" Tavin asked.

"We have a place not far from here and everything was fine, I had 2 jobs and we were saving money."

"Mexico." Jess said.

"We almost reached the goal when you went and fucking got honest and handed over the books. Julia, you coulda got in a lot of trouble."

"Luckily they don't make a habit of charging victims, Jayson."

"So what's the fucking plan?" He was miserable. She could feel it coming off him.

"Jay, calm down." Jess said trying to soothe him.

"You fucking did it to me again. And now you want me to trust you?"

"I had no choice. I need you for this. If you would have listened instead of running away."

"When this is over, I never wanna see you again." He said.

"If that's what you want, Jayson, then so be it."

"I'm dead serious, Julia."

"And I said that's fucking fine. It's not all about you, Jayson. Chess-"

"I told you to go get him."

"And my fucking legs."

"I am sorry, Julia. God, I am sorry." Jay said, leaning back in the seat. "Gimme the fucking phone and put the meditation on. Please. My fucking nerves are shot."

"So the fuck are mine." She said, handing over the phone with the ear buds.

"I'll see you on the flip side." He said, tucking the ear buds in his ears.

Within an hour they heard Jess gasp as she found herself alone in the back seat.  "He jumped." 

"And now it begins." Julia frowned, crying as she looked out the window at the road passing by.